As April 15th quickly approaches, the US turns its attention to taxes. If you’re reading this and you haven’t completed your taxes, you are not alone! Many people wait until the last possible minute to do their taxes.  If you’re one of them, stop everything right now and take a deep breath – in AND out. And, if you have completed your taxes – congratulations! Know that you can use the information that follows towards any major financial hurdle you encounter as a couple.

In the face of overwhelm and anxiety related to financial decision-making – follow your BLISS:

BREATHE: When we find ourselves paralyzed by overwhelm and anxiety – and nothing seems to bring those emotions to the foreground more immediately than taxes – the best thing we can do is stop the automatic stress response and breathe, deeply, fully, and completely. When stressed, we will hold our breath and exacerbate those distressing emotions, causing even greater disharmony internally, and between us as couples and as a family.

LIST: Along with the deep breathing, the other vitally important step you can take is to put all that is in front of you on a list, in no particular order – getting it out of your head and onto paper. Consider this as a way to clear your head so that you can begin to see solutions and actions you can begin to take.

INVESTIGATE: One thing that makes all the difference in shifting from feeling stuck to getting into action is taking one small step towards getting the data you need in order to make an informed decision. Take a look at your list and see what is the first thing that needs attending to and then begin to investigate the options in front of you. Perhaps your stumbling block is about whether to file jointly as a married couple, or separately. Maybe you’re concerned about what will happen to child support payments if you file jointly.  Whatever the questions you have, work together to do the research you need to get the answers quickly and easily: search the internet (using reliable sources); consult a trusted advisor (with credentials and hopefully experience with step-family issues); and cross reference the data to make sure you’re getting similar recommendations and guidelines that make sense and are in alignment with your values.

STEPS TO SUCCESS: Breakdown the time you have left and chunk down what remains to be done in small, incremental steps.  Each action you take gets you one step closer to your goal. One step may be to compile all your bank statements for the year. Another may be to determine your mileage for the year. Another may be to get all your 1099’s in order. Another may be to gather all your income statements from investments.  See what you can delegate to each other so that you’re working together as a team towards your goals.  Celebrate each step that you accomplish along the way (simple things like high-fives; a mini-victory dance; a piece of dark chocolate… whatever gives you a quick boost as you move on to the next action at hand).

IT’S NOT TOO LATE

For those of you who haven’t started yet, there’s still plenty of time and great resources out there to help you along. And, you can always do the bare minimum and take care of what you can, while filing an extension if you need more time to sort out the details.

One thing few people understand is that the IRS is actually willing and able to do much to support you in determining your options, including payment plans and other strategies if you don’t have the funds now to pay what you owe for last year, or if you owe back taxes.

Ignoring a tax liability is never a good idea. If you don’t have the money to pay the IRS, consider using a credit card or asking for more time.

According to Kelly Phillips Erb of Forbes.com, there are a number of options you can consider for paying your taxes if you don’t have the cash:

Put it on your credit card

Refinance your home

Enter into an installment agreement: You can also apply by mail using Form 9465-FS, Installment Agreement Request. If you owe more than $50,000, you will also need to complete Form 433-F, Collection Information Statement. Fees apply.

Consider an ‘Offer in Compromise’: you must be current with all filing and payment requirements, and you are not eligible if you are currently in an open bankruptcy proceeding. There’s a fee associated with the OIC so if you’re not sure if you’re eligible, check out the IRS’ Pre-Qualifier.

Ask for more time: request it using the Online Payment Agreement application or by calling 800-829-1040.

When it comes to taxes and the IRS, don’t go into denial or avoidance – ignoring the IRS can be costly and painful now and in the future.  Help is available. If you owe federal income taxes and don’t pay, you can be subject to liens, levies, seizure and, in some extreme cases, prison. There are lots of options available to you to stay within the law and keep your family and finances solid.

MORE DETAILS SPECIFIC TO STEP-FAMILIES

If you’re looking for more in-depth tax recommendations for your blended family scenario, you can check out my column in this month’s STEPMOM MAGAZINE where I cover:

• Child Support
• Spousal Support
• Joint Tax Returns
• IRS Exemption

The post Tax Tips for Couples with Blended and Step Families appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

When there is uncertainty about the future (be it an upcoming custody hearing,  a diagnosis, a financial crisis, or a potential inheritance), the mind often projects all sorts of doomsday scenarios to throw the adrenals in a perpetual state of fight or flight – with the goal of being prepared, but with the result of becoming exhausted and spent.

The best way you can protect yourself is to Get Present:

• Ask yourself – is there anything in this moment that is causing me imminent danger or harm?
• Tap into Gratitude – what, in this very moment, can you see you can be thankful for – name it, write it down, speak it, etc.  By acknowledging that which you are grateful for, your heart will relax and expand into the knowing that there is more to focus on than just that which has you feeling uneasy.

When you find Yourself Getting Carried Away on Waves of Fear:

• Use your awareness to help yourself feel grounded and present so that you can be more effective in the moment -
• Feel your feet on the ground
• Feel your back on the chair
• Bring your awareness to your breath – which can only occur in present time – and simply watch it as it goes in and out of your body.  When you feel anxious, you’re much more likely to hold your breath and breathe in a shallow fashion.  The best thing you can do when you feel at all anxious is to take deep breaths in AND out – allowing the body to release all the CO₂ and bring in even more Oxygen to all your cells.

Minimize Input

We’re all well aware that the media is geared towards over-saturating us and inundating us with images and headlines that are designed to frighten and keep us ungrounded and off center.

While it is important to be informed, we caution you to consider how much information, and repeated information, you are subjecting yourself to unnecessarily.  It’s important that we be careful about what degree of exposure we allow ourselves and our kids to have when it comes to negative, scary, intense stories and predictions.

Think of media usage the way you would about junk food or sugar – while a little is okay, too much can be quite damaging and can spoil your mood and appetite for what’s good and right in the world.

Be Proactive

While there is much that we do not have any control over, there are lots of things we can do where we have a sense of say and power. If, for instance, you are facing an uncertain custody hearing, look and see what you can do to adequately prepare for all sorts of contingencies and “what if” scenarios.

NOTE: The most important thing is to be as aligned as you can possibly be as a couple, so that you do not treat each other as adversaries when “doing battle” towards getting what you want for your life, your family, your future.

Some effective ways to prepare include:

Writing up a list of all the possible outcomes and roadblocks you believe you might encounter – and then GET DATA by asking questions of people who have been there already and researching your options. In the case of custody hearings for instance, see if a lawyer-friend could help you create a mock-hearing to explore and practice all your options and how to best respond – giving you the greatest likelihood of successfully addressing what is in front of you – even as you have little control over the final outcome.

Create strategies that are fun and effective for when your temper may flare and when you might get triggered by old, familiar patterns and strategies that could be thrown at you.  Using visualization, imagination, and “seeing” yourself effectively responding (vs. flying off the handle and reacting) will do wonders when you are in the midst of any challenge you can foresee.

Anchor your new strategies – when you find yourself feeling good, empowered, centered and peaceful in the midst of scenarios, “anchor” those feelings by a simple gesture or touch.  The gesture itself can be anything, such as: squeezing your thumb; intertwining your fingers, or rubbing your upper arm.  The key is to anchor the good feelings with a gesture that is easy to do in any situation to bring you right back to that empowered place in time of stress or crisis.

The post Minimizing Stress during Uncertain Times appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

On the November 6, 2012 Wealth Psychology Show at Sylvia Global Radio, Emily interviewed author, musician, poet, and luminary, Lenedra Carroll about her experiences over 4 years without having an income, home, or bank accounts.

In the course of our conversation we explored some of Lenedra’s wisdom regarding what it means to be human and spiritual — living fully and passionately from moment to moment.

Lenedra shared how she had to learn to dis-identify with how things had always been done — shifting from being a “mover and shaker” to slowing down and listening to the quiet core of self.

While she closed her bank accounts and cut up her credit cards, she did not simply live off others – she welcomed and received gifts — such as air miles that made it possible to travel to Alaska to see her mother when she was in the hospital — and she also looked at ways to exchange her gifts and talents in return.

She discovered what it was like to flow from a place of peace and trust, and also speaks about that which robs us from being able to live from that place all the time –

1. How the mind questions and worries, wanting to know and have certainty.

2. How others question us and our choices and uncertainty.  Simply not having a particular home caused people to feel uncomfortable, worried, fearful, or intrigued when they’d meet Lenedra.

We explored Lenedra’s definition of “enlightenment” and her approach to spirituality, and what it means to live from true grace.

At the end of the show, we offered the following to our listeners:

Evocative Question: How much do you long for that peace and spiritual experience to be the core of your experience of life?

Inspiring Invitation: What is it you long for? more space? more peace? more joy? more time to be with yourself, with those you love?  We invite you to name it and declare one way you will begin to cultivate even a few moments of it in your life -
perhaps through taking 10 breaths before making an important phone call; perhaps in putting on a favorite, uplifting song to listen to when you are feeling particularly stretched or stressed – using whatever you find helps to bring you back to that quiet center inside.

Useful Tools:
Gratitude/Passion/Pearls Journal — a place to capture your moments of connection, of peace, of joy, of flow… to cultivate you having more of what you long for each and every day.

Sharing Dinner Together — having quality time where you are present with each other has been show to make the biggest positive impact in the lives of your family members.  You may want to have a game that you play as a family that has everyone engaged, such as “High/Low” where everyone shares a high point of their day and a low point and the other members of the family listen.

Book: The Architecture of All Abundance by Lenedra Carroll – where each chapter illustrates ways of incorporating more of what you want at the core of your life to be expressed in every domain of life (health, work, family, money, time…)

The post Living Life on a Walk-About without Bank Accounts or Credit Cards: A Conversation with Lenedra Carroll appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

On Sylvia Global Radio, on Tuesday, Oct. 30th, 2012 Emily has a conversation with Lenedra Carroll, who authored The Architecture of All Abundance and founded the non-profit, “Higher Ground for Humanity”.  Lenedra developed and managed the career of the artist, Jewel, and is also Jewel’s mother.

Together, Emily and Lenedra explore what Lenedra has discovered over the years in the realm of the “Architecture of Health”, with specific attention on the emotions, and also on intuition and how to trust your inner-voice when it comes to your own health and healing.

Take Aways:

• Evocative Question: What aspect of your physical health needs attention?
• Inspiring Invitation: “No body, nobody!” Choose a particular time of year to have your annual exam and put it on your recurring calendar: pap, breast exam (mammogram or better), blood panel – and then call your doctor/s and schedule your appointments for 2013.
• Useful Tools:
  • Website: www.AreYouDense.org; www.lenedracarroll.com
  • Books: The Architecture of All Abundance by Lenedra Carroll; Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

This show is live and listeners call, tweet, and email from all over the world – here’s how;

Questions from listeners: call in number: (347) 215-6138

#wealthpsychology via twitter

email questions to: listeners@sylviaglobal.com — enter “Wealth Psychology” in the subject line.

The post Wealth Psychology and the “Architecture of Health” with Lenedra Carroll appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

This topic was inspired by listeners who called in last week asking for support with their children ranging in age from 17 months to 22 and over.  These parents are not alone, as multiple research studies have shown that the number one issue that keeps wealthy parents up at night, regardless of the ages of their children, is what the impact of the wealth will be on their offspring.

To better understand this dilemma, Dr. Jamie Traeger-Muney gives a great analogy that everyone can relate to regarding fluency.  Parents who are successful with their money may not be necessarily raising children who understand how to relate well with money, much like if parents speak fluent french but never speak it to their children.  And it’s not just about teaching them, as she goes on to explain that if any time the children attempt to speak in French, the parents step in and say it for them, the children have fluent parents, but are completely ignorant of that language themselves and remain dependent on their parents to translate.

If you want your children to make wise choices with their money, then a great place to start is by looking at how your actions and your words are showing as well as teaching them.  You may also want to check and see where your actions and values may not be in alignment – research shows that children will learn and be shaped by what they see you doing much more so than by what you tell them to do. They are always watching for when you are being inconsistent or hypocritical – know that you are teaching them all the time and that you have a tremendous amount of influence.

Highlights you’ll hear on the show include:

How to start educating kids:

• Share/Save/Spend jars and more ways to encourage a healthy relationship with money, individually and as a family.
• Using a family giving jar that everyone contributes to and then weighs in on what to do with when it’s full.
• Saving for family vacations together and planning together – and possibly giving the opportunity to invest and grow the money for even nicer vacations.
• Allowance – tied to age and ability to be responsible, not to “chores”

– All the strategies covered during the show are about giving children the opportunity to learn and make mistakes when the cost of their mistakes are relatively low, and the value of the learning and lessons are very high.

Shifting “chores” to “contributions” – where all family members have a contribution to make to the overall running of the household.  In life we all encounter things that need to get done that we may not want to do, and, that when we do them, make our life and the lives of those around us, that much better overall.

Addressing the objections of kids, like: “It’s not fair!” — recognizing and agreeing that life truly isn’t “fair” is part of the equation. The other key ingredient is looking at where you experience privilege and opportunity that others don’t have access to and tapping into a sense of genuine gratitude.

Ways to deal with resistance to taking responsibility — the key concept here is to engage and know that your kids want your attention and your interest in their lives – not so much that you’ll do it all for them (though they will definitely try to get you to!), but more that you’ll help jump start them, and also model for them how you take care of your responsibilities too.

During the show, we also addressed the power of the stories, idioms, and words we use when we speak about money and wealth.  We explored the idiom “Sharing the spoils” and looked at how this may have a negative connotation attached to money – where our wealth occurred by dominating or taking something from someone else.  Listen for the idioms and phrases in your head and that you hear in your family when it comes to choices around how to spend money, give money, or save money.

We always end our shows with “Take Away’s” to empower our listeners:

• Evocative Question: What one small thing can you shift in your parenting style that will bring your children closer to being more empowered around money and choices?
• Inspiring Invitation: Look and see how you are modeling the kind of behaviors you are wanting to see your children grow to have as their natural way of moving and being with their money and wealth.  If you see that your actions aren’t keeping up with your wishes, that’s a great place to start.
• Useful Tools:
  • • Share/Save/Spend Jars: Create a container with three aspects to it – so that you are effectively showing your children that they can make empowered choices related to where they put their money.
    • Books: The Price of Privilege by Levine; Good Kids, Tough Choices by Kidder,  Silver Spoon Kids by Gallos and Children of Paradise by Hausner.
    • Website: Free Rice — an online game for kids of any age where correct answers earn grains of rice that are given to people who are in need.

For more information about how to minimize the potential negative impact of wealth on your children, how to navigate emotional conversations related to financial and estate planning, or how to feel more competent and at ease with your money and wealth, contact us for an initial consultation.

**********************************

About Wealth Legacy Group:  Principals, Emily Bouchard and Jamie Traeger-Muney, are professionals who specialize in the emotional impact of money on individuals and families. We know that even the healthiest relationships are challenged when money is a factor. And we know that being affluent doesn’t necessarily mean having all the answers.  We provide a safe environment to help you manage your emotional assets,  clarify personal issues surrounding wealth, and provide guidance to resolve them.

About Sylvia Global: Founded by Gael Sylvia, this multi-media production company is passionate about changing how we think about the wealthy and presenting content that really makes a difference in the lives of listeners and viewers.  The focus on Sylvia Global is on facilitating conversations about Women, Philanthropy, Wealth, and Wellness.

The post Wealth Psychology: Raising Empowered vs. Entitled Children appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

I will be featured on Headline News Weekend Express with Natasha Curry this Sunday to talk about Stepfamily Day and the challenges blended families face.

What will you do to honor your family on this special day?

• Some communities have picnic celebrations planned.
• Some blended families choose to spend the day together, as a family, without any electronic devices on for the whole day.
• Other stepfamilies go to a favorite place with friends and play together. 

The truth is that the vast majority let the day go by as any other day and miss the chance to honor themselves for all the effort and hard work it takes to make a blended family work.  Why? Because they do not even know this day exists for them.  They are not aware of all the resources out there for them.  They believe that they are the only ones who are experiencing what it is like to be in a blended family and they feel all alone.

Time to Celebrate!

This could be a great opportunity to reach out to other step and blended families in your community.  Here are some ideas:

• Arrange a spontaneous pot-luck, where you invite two other families you know who are also blended, and ask each of them to invite two blended families that they know.
• Have some activities planned for the different age groups of children, and plan to meet at a location that can accommodate you all (one of your homes; a nearby park or playground; a community center; …).
• This doesn’t have to be fancy and you do not have to spend a ton of money.  In fact, you can have each family bring one of their favorite games to play, and see what you discover – how many are the same? How many are different?  Which ones have never been played? Which ones are the ones everybody knows and has? …  Spend the day connecting and being with others who are blending too.

Step and Blended Families that choose to make this kind of effort are always amazed at the rewards that happen unexpectedly.  Oftentimes, they enjoy the experience so much that they decide to make it a monthly event, with a different theme each month.

Excited or Resistant?

Are you finding yourself excited and elated by this idea? Or are your first thoughts those of resistance or dread?

Notice how your mind is responding to this idea.  Is it coming up with all kinds of reasons why you could not or would not or should not do this?  While all those reasons may appear to be valid, chances are they are not necessarily true.

Our minds have a way of keeping us from trying or doing anything that is different or out of the ordinary.  This is a natural, healthy defense mechanism designed to keep us safe.  The problem is that what we perceive as safe is often just what is familiar.  The unfamiliar is then deemed to be unsafe, when the reality is that it can be very safe, fun, fulfilling, and full of new possibilities.

Could your blended family use a fun boost during this busy, back-to-school season? Could you use a break from the stress and day to day responsibilities and obligations?  And, this idea can be tapped into any day, not just September 16!

ACTION STEP: 

Here’s my challenge to you:  Make a commitment to honor Stepfamily Day in whatever way seems right for you, sometime within the next week (this weekend if at all possible).  I invite you to take a step towards even greater enjoyment and connection in your blended family.

The post September 16th is Stepfamily Day! appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

Silicon Valley women execs were front and center in the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times on August 5^th in an article focused on how “Techies Break a Fashion Taboo.”  According to the article it seems in the San Francisco Bay Area “a growing group of women is bucking convention not only by being women in a male dominated industry, but also by unabashedly embracing fashion.”

Savvy designers are designing for women in the tech world because those women are seen as an influential force and an important and growing demographic worth paying attention to – now and in the foreseeable future.  According to one designer, Stacey Bendet Eisner, of Alice and Olivia, women in the tech field “want an element of sophistication to their clothes because they want to be taken seriously.”  Ironically, one chief executive, Ruzwana Bashir, of Peek, a travel start up, was surprised that some people in the Bay Area were distrustful of fashion. “Perhaps they think they’re not taken seriously if they make an effort. In the end, I’d rather wear a nice dress, and if someone is not going to take me seriously, that’s so superficial…You can be this super-successful woman who’s smart and effective but still feminine.”

The article highlights the fact that only 5% of executives in high tech are women, and only 11% are tech investors.  Given the low numbers, there can be advantages to bringing attention to yourself via your style. One investor, Theresia Gouw Ranzetta, from Accel Partners, a venture capital firm, explains: “When it’s a sea of young guys in jeans and hoodies, and the V.C.’s are in their khakis and button-down uniform, it’s kind of a benefit to be different.”

Magaly Masci, French-born, senior vice president with Morgan Stanley Smith Barney and an international advocate in women’s leadership, is a self-described “fashionista” who loves to dress with class and sophistication in the workplace and having fun with casual attire.  When asked about her impressions of the article, Masci gave her point of view:  “What is truly important is understanding that fashion is another way of expressing yourself and it represents something different for everyone.  As such you should embrace your fashion sense with pride. Whatever your style is, it is yours and women should be encouraged to find their own fashion statement within the workplace, whether it is tech, financial industry, law, accounting or leading a company.”

Marissa Mayer, Yahoo’s new chief executive sums up the connection of fashion to technology in a powerful way: “My willingness to talk about [fashion] is because I believe the way we’ll get more people into computer science and ultimately more women into computer science is by making it really clear that you can be yourself and don’t need to give up parts of yourself to succeed.”

For more on the power of fashion and great conversations about women and fashion, listen to Sylvia Global’s interview with Randolf Duke on the Beauty of a Woman Inside  AND Sylvia Global’s interview with Keith Holman on how Fashion Instills Confidence.

The post Successful Techie Women and Fashion Sense makes Good Sense appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

Families of all shapes and sizes and backgrounds can benefit from understanding how to incorporate giving into their family conversations and activities. There are other distinct advantages to introducing giving into your stepfamily system.

In stepfamilies, there are children who, more than likely, are not enthralled with the reconfiguration of their family.  One powerful way to begin to blend your family is to introduce a conversation around giving back and philanthropy.

No matter how conflictual the situation may be in your stepfamily situation, you can be sure that there are other families out there who are seriously challenged, be it with poverty and homelessness, with illness or developmental delays; or with lack of access to resources like medical care, clean water, healthy food, etc.

When we tell our kids and stepkids to “count their blessings” they are likely to focus on what they are unhappy about and what’s wrong in their life.  When we show our children through example, through direct experience, and through mediums that resonate with them, how truly lucky they are, they can begin to draw on the healing power of gratitude in their lives.

Giving is Good For You

Research shows that when we are generous, when we volunteer and donate, we FEEL better – literally. It turns out that being altruistic is one of the more healthy acts we can perform – it helps us be more optimistic, resilient, and physically well, throughout our lives.  What most people don’t realize is that it’s not about the SIZE of the gift – it’s the act of giving – that makes the difference. Anyone can be philanthropic – the word simply means acting on one’s love of mankind.  We can show our love for others in all sorts of ways, regardless of how much money we have in the bank.

Involving All Family Members – No Matter the Ages

When considering opening up the possibility of giving together, a great place to start is to find out what each person in your family has experienced around giving.

A way to begin is to simply explore how giving has been experienced, such as:

We all give and receive and some experiences are more memorable than others. Let’s all take a couple of minutes to share a time when we each gave in a way that really felt good, and also a time when we received that was particularly special.

This conversation could be used to capture some initial family values that each of you share individually.  As people share you could have pieces of plain paper or a roll of butcher paper in front of you with different colored markers.  As you listen, anyone could pick up a marker and write down or draw a picture capturing the value that they are hearing in what someone is sharing.

Once all your stories and values have been captured, see where there may be some overlapping values that you call are aligned with – you can group similar words together and come up with one or two words that capture that theme.  These shared values create the cornerstone of your blended family’s foundation.

From Values to Family Mission

Once you all agree on your particular shared values (these could be anything from kindness to generosity to education to animals to orderliness…) you can then explore your collective mission that you would all feel good about getting behind in your giving.

For example, if you all agree on generosity, your mission could be something like: “We tithe 10% of what we receive financially towards those who don’t have as much as we do.” If your shared value includes animals, you could have a statement such as: “We give x # of hours each month to an organization that shelters animals.”

The most important part of all these activities is to include everyone and to make it a shared exploration. If any one person over-rides others, you will not have engagement, you will have resentment.  If it becomes a power struggle between certain family members, see what you can do to let go of any agenda or attachment to how this is all supposed to turn out or look, and begin to get curious about what else is trying to happen.

Maybe your particular family isn’t ready to draft a mission yet and needs a chance to explore other ways of giving together.

Giving Together Builds Traditions

Blended families can be challenged in having shared traditions. They often have fractured times during holidays and other celebrations due to the different family homes and dynamics.  Having a central theme around giving that your blended family does together gives you a chance to create new, shared experiences and traditions that are your own.  Families feel closer and more bonded and connected when they share in experiences that help them feel good – positive memories last a lifetime and do wonders for building bridges.

Resources

When thinking about incorporating giving in your family, there are some terrific resources to help you get started. Some of these that I’ve found to be particularly helpful are:

Youth Give – their resources page has free downloadable pdfs with excellent conversation starters, family activities, and a resource list including books for children of all ages – all created by Lisa Parker of Family Circle Advisors.

Catalytic Women — a memberships site with an extensive library of resources for anyone interested in becoming philanthropically involved.  They also do a series of webinars and host evocative conversations and events related to philanthropy.  We presented on Philanthropic Journeys with Family with Melanie Hamburger for their July webinar – go here to learn more.

Inspired Legacies – Tracy Gary, author of Inspired Philanthropy, provides consultation and speaks about philanthropy and is a leading expert in the field.

For More Information – Join Us Tuesday, July17th, in Riverside CA at StepFamily Systems!

Or Contact Us for a private consultation

The post Blended Families Bond Using Giving and Philanthropy appeared first on emilybouchard.com.

Enjoy this guest post from Melanie Hamburger from Catalytic Women:

I was talking recently with a member of Catalytic Women and mentioned the topic of connecting family travel plans with our values of giving back. (Catalytic Women hosts a free webinar on this topic on July 11, so it must have been on my mind! Click here to RSVP).  The story she shared about her family’s philanthropic journeys is worth repeating. I loved it as an example of how we share our passions with others and, in particular, the multifaceted roles of women as providers, nurturers and educators.

Her parents founded a business together. Perhaps this formed their culture of aligning family values, good fortune and lifelong learning. As her mom considered retiring she reflected on her love of traveling. What began as special trips with her children – celebrating her daughters’ 30^th and 40^th birthdays in Africa or India; a coming of age trip when each grandchild turned 10 – morphed into a travel business. Completely self-taught, she modeled her trips on well-known destination planners but then did it her own way, adding shared local experiences such as volunteering. Her philanthropic journeys included family and shaped her new “post-retirement” career.

Most of us have good intentions to create these kinds of experiences for our own families – as we plan travels to local or far-flung destinations. But how can we truly make the most out of our summer travel plans, without it feeling like one more thing to do… to research… to figure out… to do well?

I’m interested in ways that you include children of any age in planning your travels. How do you bring giving into vacations and ignite their curiosity about others?

Intense school homework loads, competitive sports and omnipresent technological distractions have never made it harder to carve out “quality” family time. And who wants the killjoy of insisting that these rare times together include “learning” and “giving”? Getting our kids excited about where we’re going and what we can do together shouldn’t feel so hard.

Surely, there must be some examples of ways to bring out the best in ourselves as we travel together that feel do-able for busy families! Let’s get past that self-inflicted goal of perfect parenting. Let’s just start with what we can do now.

It’s not too late to make this summer vacation a time of travel and connecting as a family. Share your experiences with us. How do you and your family unplug from day to day responsibilities, emails, and electronics, so that you can use the precious few weeks of summer to plug into experiences that instill a sense of resilience and appreciation, and expand the hearts and minds of your children?

We’ll share your stories on July 11, when Catalytic Women founder Melanie Hamburger taps the expertise of Jamie Traeger-Muney and Emily Bouchard of Wealth Legacy Group by sharing real life stories, examples and results from philanthropic journeys. Join this conversation about women, wealth and philanthropy on travel and children. Share and learn how to engage multiple generations in the planning and implementing of family travel and giving experiences – tapping the nature of our “true wealth.” Regardless of age, or even if we define family as a group of our closest friends, the spirit of our summer travel get us thinking about our impact on the larger world around us.

Contact us with your ideas, successes and challenges. To join the July 11 webinar, register here.

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“My father had put my mother’s name on the deed to the house and made her the beneficiary of his investments, leaving the rest of his estate to my three older brothers. It was an act accomplished in a single sentence: ‘I leave no bequest to my daughter for reasons known to her.’ ”

From the rest of the article, it seems that the two of them had differences throughout their lives, but had made steps towards reconciliation only months before he died unexpectedly.

Whether their new ability to express their love for each other more openly would have changed his mind or intention related to his will is something she will never know. And many people find themselves in her circumstance where they are unable to explore, discuss, and connect with their parents around what would cause them to make that choice and what they might be able to do to change their thinking or intentions.

What continues to bring distress to my heart and fuel my passion for my work with families is that if people felt skilled and able to have these difficult and emotional conversations effectively, they could potentially heal and move through long standing wounds and pain that continue to perpetuate from one generation to the next.  And maybe I could help effect a different outcome…

In Estate Planning for the Blended Family, we discuss the sticky issue of disinheritance in our chapter on Testamentary Planning.  One thing we strongly recommend is that if this is a choice you believe is absolutely necessary, that you make the effort to communicate your reasons why you’ve made the choices you have — as this will help to ease the blow and keep your memory alive in ways that are more positive and less painful for your prodigal son or daughter, no matter what they may have done to have caused you to keep them from receiving your assets.

A powerful exercise we recommend is that, as you write your reasons for the disinheritance, you also share what you enjoyed most about that person and particular memories from the span of your life together that mattered to you in loving ways.  Some people do this in their ethical will.  This will further nurture a healing place in their heart even as they wrestle with the pain of not being included as they may have thought they would be.

If at all possible, we encourage parents to share their decision to disinherit while they are alive, so that the impact of the decision is not quite so dramatic at the painful time of their death.

For more information about how to go about having these conversations successfully as a family, or between a father and a daughter, contact us for a private consultation.

The post The Impact of Disinheriting – How to Lessen the Blow appeared first on emilybouchard.com.